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By
Schwab Foundation for Learning
Self-esteem is the confidence you have in your abilities,
the satisfaction you take in your accomplishments and
the respect you have for yourself. It is the result
of an inner sense of success, satisfaction and optimism.
Good self-esteem occurs when an individual feels worthwhile
and competent, when he believes that he belongs, is
valued and liked. It is rooted in childhood experiences
of love, support, acceptance, and approval.
Self-esteem grows out of three key elements:
Acceptance
Competence
Purpose
A
change in any one of these elements can have an effect
on the others. For example, if your child develops competence
in a sport, that competence may promote acceptance by
classmates. Even though schoolwork will still be difficult,
your child may feel better about going to school. The
reverse is also true. A negative change in one of these
three elements, for instance, can adversely affect the
other two.
Acceptance is a sense of belonging. It is the security
of knowing you are part of a family or group. Acceptance
is also assuredness, feeling comfortable and safe and
being able to depend on individuals and situations.
Outside the home it comes from inclusion, support, recognition
and respect. Inside the home it comes from love, trust,
appreciation, protection and encouragement.
Acceptance is demonstrated at home by:
- assuring
your child that you love him, even when he's having
problems
- providing
a supportive structure, clear limits, and consistent
rules
- complimenting
your child frequently and correcting her infrequently
- directing
correction at your child's behavior, not at him ("Drawing
on the wall is bad," not "You are bad.")
- providing
opportunities for your child to succeed and celebrating
her successes
- supporting
your child's efforts, inside the home and out
- encouraging
friendships and helping your child develop social
skills
Competence
is the feeling of being able to handle the challenges
you meet in life. It is knowing your strengths and understanding
your limitations. It is having a feeling of success and
accomplishment in the things you regard as important and
valuable. The feeling of confidence is a very personal
experience. A child caught in a pattern of putting herself
down may not even have the skills to accept a compliment
when she does a good job.
To counter this lack of self-confidence, you can help
by:
- giving
your child respect and attention, even when she's
not sure of herself
- encouraging
areas or skills where your child has a strong interest
- supporting
strengths and accepting weaknesses without dwelling
on them
- helping
your child recognize that her actions make a difference
- teaching
your child to measure and appreciate his progress
- pointing
out things that your child does well
- taking
an interest in your child's activities
All contents ® and ™ 1997, 1998, 1999 Schwab
Foundation for Learning
All Rights Reserved
Any interested person or organization may copy or reprint
portions of this article provided such copy may not
be sold or otherwise used for commercial purposes and
any such copy must contain the above stated copyright
notice.
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