By Galia Ozari

As parent-teacher conferences approach, many moms and dads get anxious. If your child is in an early childhood classroom, you may be new at this and feel especially nervous. Read this and banish nightmare scenarios:

• Before conferences, speak briefly to the teacher. By now, your child's teacher should have already approached you upon noticing any negative issues (and shared some great things about your child with you). If you have not heard any concerns, consider yourself lucky. If you need reassurance, speak to the teacher. Once she has answered your questions, keep it short. She will have time to discuss things in greater detail with you at your appointment.
  
  
• Have realistic expectations. I had a smart, quiet student whose progress report noted that he took a little extra time to respond. I explained to his father that his child was just thoughtful and analytical, but he could not shake the fear that his child could be "slow" (his term). I reassured him that if his child had special needs, he would have been informed. Just as each adult works at his own pace, so does each child. Don't mistake a personality trait for a symptom of a disorder.
  
  
• Arrive prepared and manage time wisely. Bring a notebook with a list of questions. If your child's other parent cannot come with you, have him or her write down questions or concerns, and note the answers. Mention the most important issues first, to allow time to discuss them. The teacher should have a checklist, but good questions are: "How does my child behave at Meeting Time/Story Time? How does he handle taking turns/clean-up/transitions? Is he exhibiting signs of self-discipline?" Find out how he behaves in both small and large groups, and in situations that you may not be privy to at home, like naptime.
  
  
• If it talks like a duck... A month ago the teacher was "monitoring" your child's speech because she had some "concerns." Now she brings up speech therapy, and you don't want to hear it. Be grateful that resources are available. Many parents have friends or family who are professionals. Do not rely on them for their opinions. Cornering a speech therapist friend and asking if your kid talks funny is the "Do I look fat in this?" of parenting. I had a friendly, lovable student with speech issues; neither the staff nor her peers could understand most of her words. Children shrugged when she spoke and said she talked "like a baby." Her mother grudgingly permitted a screening, and rejected the speech therapist's recommendation for help. She snapped, "I have a friend who is a speech therapist and she said she doesn't need it." (Do I look fat in this?) Whether it is a speech, behavioral or developmental issue, if you disagree with a school evaluation, go to an objective professional.
  
  
• It's just a chat. A conference is a conversation with your child's teacher without the distractions of an active classroom. Though the formality of an appointment may be intimidating, it is just to keep the lines of communication open. Your teacher is approachable any time of the year; this just keeps everyone on the same page.

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