By Galia Ozari

It's happened. Your child comes home crying and announces that she hates school. Your stomach ties itself in knots as she tells you the teacher was mean. Or maybe the kids were mean. Or she was reprimanded. Or the food was bad. Or maybe we're just expecting a full moon tonight.

Whatever the reason, your child is unhappy and it is killing you. The thought of her being somewhere for the day, without you there to protect her, is unbearable. You become angry with the adult responsible for her: the teacher. You want to pick up the phone and call the principal/director/superintendent/hitman. First, take a deep breath. To solve the problem with no hurt feelings or bodily injury, read this:

• Approach the teacher before anyone else with your concern. Teachers want to be there for you, and you should give them that chance. Before marching off to the principal or director's office, calmly approach the teacher with any negative issues. Getting the teacher in trouble won't likely happen, and it won't make things better. Busy administrators are swamped with a myriad of duties and don't appreciate being approached with issues that should have been discussed with the classroom teacher first. They will ask you, "Have you approached your child's teacher about this?" Remember, administrators were most likely once teachers themselves, and will identify with the teacher before an angry or hostile parent. In addition, you may be branded a "difficult parent" and you will lose the administration's respect and the teacher's trust in you. Worst of all, because the situation has escalated, your child will sense that something is very wrong with school.
• If you still have not made progress, request a meeting with the teacher to discuss the issue again, this time with an administrator present. It may be helpful to put it this way: "I can see that this is a difficult situation. Why don't we try to get a fresh perspective on this? Let's arrange a meeting with your child's teacher to sort this out together." Teachers and administrators both want the best for your child. View your partnership with them as a team effort to ensure that your child has a happy and productive school experience.
• Don't gossip or complain about the teacher or administrators to other classroom parents. It always gets back to them. Understandably, you'll want to discuss issues with fellow classroom parents, to compare notes, validate your observations, or vent. Instead, discuss your concerns privately with friends or family who are not connected with the school, to minimize the chances that your child's teacher will hear about it. True story: a teacher was at a local high school football game and overheard parents, sitting right behind her on the bleachers, discussing her faults and defects. They were horrified when they realized that she had overheard every negative comment. Don't let this happen to you.
• Partner with the teacher. Ask what you can do at home to help your child, volunteer to chaperone on the next school trip, or help out in the classroom. What little time you have to give will be much appreciated, and will send the message to your child that school is great place to be.
• Be optimistic. Every challenging situation that I ever encountered as a teacher improved before long. By the end of the school year, the child has matured as a result (and so have the adults). It is okay to face difficulties in school; what matters is how you handle them, and that you are modeling appropriate problem-solving skills for your child.

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