|
By Marilyn
Henninger
Most of us worry about
helping our kids cope. It isn't easy in a world filled with images of people with
perfect bodies and endless advertising for more "stuff." While we can berate the
media and our materialistic culture, it won't help our kids who have to live in
an often brutal "kid economy," driven by who's the prettiest, the smartest and
most of all by who has the most cool "stuff." What will help them lives much closer
to home: It's you.
Parents are the Key:
Despite appearances, polls
consistently show that it's parents who have the most influence over kids. While
your kids may roll their eyes whenever you try to share your gems of wisdom, they
listen more than you think. And, more importantly, they watch every move you make.
They watch how you treat yourself, how you set your priorities, and how you deal
with others. If you want to teach your kids how to cope, do as Gandhi once said:
"Be the change you want to see." There are three areas where how you behave can
have a particularly important impact on how well your kids cope:
- Body Image
- Time Management
- Standing Up for Yourself
Body Image:
Research has repeatedly shown
that kids are much more likely to obsess about their appearance and weight, and
ultimately have eating disorders, if their parents constantly diet or complain
about their own bodies. If you want your kid to feel good about his or her body,
feel good about yours. Treat your body with respect by feeding it good food, giving
it regular exercise and appreciating all it does for you every day of your life.
Most parents feel there isn't time for this, but some find a way to make the time
and set the positive example their kids need.
Time Management:
Few parents or kids have time
to do all the things they think they should do. The key word is "should." While
we certainly live in a complex world, many of the things we do are optional.
Many cancer patients say
that while they would never choose to have cancer, the experience helped them
prioritize what was really important in their lives. Suddenly, being on top of
every detail at work was no longer essential, keeping difficult people happy became
optional and social obligations became social choices, where the choices were
more often no than yes. By setting your own priorities, learning to say no, and
tolerating the occasional displeasure of others, you set a powerful example for
your kids. Our time is our life and if we're not investing it wisely why should
we think our kids will?
Standing Up for Yourself:
We live in a world of bullies.
We deal with bosses that are often bullies. Our kids deal with other kids, teachers
and coaches that are often bullies. It's easy to feel victimized. But if we come
home from work everyday complaining about how we have been abused, we teach our
children to be victims. Politely standing our ground often feels risky, but it
deflates most bullies––they find more cooperative people to torture.
When we show our children how to approach difficulties as problems to be solved,
not pain to be endured, we empower them to take the risks needed to be the best
they can be.
Be the Change You Want
to See:
This is difficult stuff. For
most of us change is the thing we do least well. We live in a society where it's
very easy to fall short and to hate ourselves. But we also live in a society where
we have more choices than ever before. Use those choices to create the life you
want and you will empower your child to take control of his. "Be the change you
want to see" for your child if not for yourself. Chances are, both of you will
be happier for it.
[ Check
Out Our Message
Boards |
Back to Experts' Advice | Ask
A Question ]
|
